Every Minecraft Story You've Ever Read
by nyroc128
Summary: Are you tired of seeing the 9001th story about Youtubers, Herobrine, and other overused plots? Then have something fresh and new- parodies of the stories about Youtubers, Herobrine and other overused plots!
1. In which I am sucked into Minecraft

**Hello readers! A while ago I went through the Minecraft stories with the "most favorites" filter on and I started to see patterns… Like a lot of them are stories about Youtubers…**

**So here, have some parodies of the Minecraft Fanfiction clichés. **

**I should also mention that I'm not very experienced at writing parody, so hopefully will go alright.**

Parody 1: In which I am sucked into Minecraft

"OH EM GEE ADELINA GET UP THE HOUSE IS IN FLAMES!"

"What." I opened one bleary eye. It was then that the sudden realization struck me that the house was indeed on fire.

"Oh, well, thanks for telling me, Éclair. I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me." With that, I rolled over in the blankets and tried to get more sleep. It was pretty warm for the morning, which only made me sleepier.

"ADELINAAA!" My obnoxious second cousin gave me a violent push that sent me flying off the bed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! That was uncalled for!" I stood up indignantly. Stupid cousin trying to wake me up when I wanted more sleep. Great. Now I was _really_ awake.

Éclair didn't respond, she just calmly picked up the fire extinguisher I had been using as a pillow and used it to put out the fire. "Oh. Well then."

My cousin turned around. "Oh yeah, Adelina it's your birthday today! How old are you again? I always forget. Three?" She gave me a smile that looked sincere, so she must have been serious.

Unfortunately I have a rather poor memory, so I couldn't remember how old I was either. I thought about that for maybe a good six minutes and twenty-eight seconds while sitting on the scorched and smoldering bed in front of my second cousin once removed on my mother's side who was exactly sixteen years, eight months, seventeen days, twenty-five hours and fifty-nine minutes old. After a long, unbroken silence, I decided that Éclair was right, so I said, "Yeah, I am three. I was, uh, born on a leap day. Right?"

"Adeline. It's like November right now."

"Yeah, Leap Day is on November 29th." Éclair facepalmed, then double facepalmed, then triple facepalmed with a mysterious third hand that waved at me before disappearing. I guess she really approves of my wittiness, I thought smugly.

"Adelina, just… just go downstairs for breakfast or something. Oh look you have an interesting plot-device looking object on your desk… It looks important, can I have it?" Éclair began rummaging through my belongings on my desk and sat on my homework. She picked up a nondescript nail polish bottle.

"Yeah, uh, sure, just, uh take it." Éclair didn't take it before looking at the papers on my desk. "Hm, looks like you got your Pre-Calc Honors homework back, but the teacher graded you down 'cause spelled your name wrong on the top and ADELINA WHAT IS THIS?" She snatched a picture off my desk that featured something that closely resembled a sex organ.

"It's… a Pikachu. An anatomically incorrect Pikachu." I grabbed the picture and put it in my mouth where no one would look at it closely.

Éclair was satisfied, so she pushed me down the stairs so that I could reach the bottom floor faster. She's so considerate!

While I was recovering from head trauma, my mother stormed towards me. "Hey, you kids better shut the-" here she went on a long, profuse swearing rampage- "'cause I can't hear a word from the telly! Go outside and buy junk with your cousins!" With that, she pulled on a large boot that said "Mantreaders- exclusive from Mann Co." and punted me out of the house. Éclair soon followed, along with my other male cousin named Sam, which is short for Seema, which is a misspelling of Sima.

Sam is super cool and smart and manages to be nerdy and attractive at the same time. I should also mention that my two cousins are like my only friends. Sometimes I wonder out loud, "Why don't I have any friends?" But then a bucket filled with fish intestines falls out of the sky and hits me on the head and a girl sitting at her laptop yells, "IT'S PART OF THE PLOT, DIPWAD!" Then she pounds her head on the screen crying, "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH" and then rewrites everything in second person.

"Okay, Adelina," Sam cooed in his seductive voice of his. "What should we get for your birthday? Maybe we should buy you friends?"

"NO WE NEED TO BUY HER JEWELRY. IT MUST BE JEWELRY." Éclair began to shake uncontrollably.

"Why? I don't even like jewelry." I pouted.

"IT HAS TO BE JEWELRY DAMMIT." Éclair dragged me to a jewelry store that had a sign reading "We sell plot devices."

"Hey," Sam put a hand on my shoulder. "Let her buy you a bracelet. I mean, who knows, it might be an important plot element."

"Naw, screw you guys." I started to walk out when I bumped into a weird creeper stalker guy.

"ADELINA DO YOU REMEMBER ME?" he screamed. He grabbed me by the throat and started shaking me.

"Dude, what's your problem?" I kicked him in the groin and then stepped on his fingers on the way out.

I went home to play videogames. Maybe a good first-person shooter would be nice. But when I walked in, my mom was wearing a helmet, wielding a rocket launcher and screaming "MAGGOTS CUPCAKES YOU NUMBNUT AUSTRAILIANS!" so I decided that playing violent shooting games would be a bad idea.

I went upstairs to my room to play a new popular game called "3D Terrarium" or "Mining and Crafting" or something equally stupid. The very moment I started to play some weird tall monster thing appeared right on the screen and started staring straight at me. It started yelling and flailing and saying "OH FOR THE LOVE OF NOTCH NOT ANOTHER ONE" and threw roses and pearls all over the place. "WHY ARE THERE LIKE TWENTY CHOSEN ONES THIS MAKES NO SENSE." I don't seem to remember proposing to it, so I wondered why it was acting like so.

"Dude, what's your problem?" I tried to kick the stringy black oddity, but my foot went through the screen. "What." This was truly interesting. I shoved my foot in more to see if it would touch the creature, but eventually I fell all the way in.

"Oh, my Notch. Oh, my Notch." I looked up and realized I was in a dark cave, while a large spider danced around my face saying "Oh, my Notch."

"BLAFJFGHSDJK HOLY FUDGECAKES." I punched the spider in the face. It exploded and turned into string. Awesome, now I can hang myself. I hummed while I tried to tie a noose, but it came out looking like a sweater, so I gave up.

"Hey that's a nice sweater you've got there." I looked up and saw a frowning green creature. It looked like a weird stalker creeper thing. "It'd be a shame if anything were to happen to it."

I looked carefully at my sweater-noose. "Yeah, I guess."

The creeper looked at me, shocked. "You can understand me?"

"Uh… yeah, I guess."

"Oh okay cool. I'll just blow you up now." The creeper walked over to me and exploded.

I flew out of the cave and into a muddy swamp. I looked up and saw another creeper kid looking at me.

"Whoa." He said. "Even though you're covered in mud and I can sense like, an aura of stupidity from you, you're still like, super hot and I'm in love with you."

"You're weird," I said. "But I'm weird too. Let's be friends, even though I have no friends and don't know how friendship works."

"That sounds great." I let the creeper kid help me up, while we both ignored the enigmatic tall black creature with purple eyes staring at both of us.

Suddenly Éclair appeared between us, screaming, "SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR LAME ROMANCE, BUT A MAGICAL CREATURE THING BEHIND YOU IS ABOUT TO SUCK THE WORLD INTO MINECRAFT AND SUMMON A DRAGON OTHER SCARY SHI-"

"Oh, shut up, Éclair, let us make out or something." I pushed Éclair away, and the tall creature grabbed her and conveniently teleported her away somewhere. I had a feeling I wouldn't see her for a while.

Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, the magical creature behind me summoned a dragon that flew around screaming, "I'M THE MOTHER EFFING ENDERDRAGON, ALL MUST FEAR MEEEEE!"

Suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, Notch appeared behind me and said, "Here have this sword, now go slay this Enderdragon that I actually created in the first place but I'm too lazy to destroy."

Then Herobrine appeared and stole the sword while yelling, "Trolololol, bruh!" Notch was super pissed off, so he ran off chasing Herobrine into the sunset.

Then there was an epic fight scene with lots of gore and magic and laser beams, and then important characters died, but like I said forty-two paragraphs earlier, I have a really bad memory, so I can't tell you anything about it.

Basically as soon as we killed the Enderdragon, it crapped an egg, so we killed the egg and then everyone lived crappily ever after.

Then I woke up from a coma in New Zealand. "Oh. So it was all a dream?" I turned around and saw a pair of purple eyes. "DAMMIT NOT AGAIN."

-le stupid end-

**Yes, this wasn't very good, but the next one(s) are better! I promise!**

**No offense intended to CynicalDreams, author of The Miner's Destiny, or to Mellifluousness, author of Ears to Hear Us. I'm not trying to poke fun or rage about them directly or anything, it's parody. Just think of it like they were successful enough for someone to write parody about them in the first place.**


	2. In wHURROBRINE

Parody 2: In wHURROBRINE

Once a pon a galaxy in a time far, far, away, there were two brothers. One was named Notch and the other was Herobrine. Notch was a cool guy but Herobrine was a total douchebag.

Notch walked into the room. "Hey, you left this hot dog on my doorstep, so I assumed you wanted to hang out-"

"OMY GURSH WHY ARE YOU HERE!ONE! GIT THE HAIL OUT!" Herobrine fell out of his chair onto the ground and began flailing about uncontrollably. "FSDGHXCVBNQ."

Notch dropped the hot dog on the floor in surprise. "Are you okay?"

Herobrine calmly stood up. "Yeah." Then he jumped out the window (which was closed), yelled "Banzaiii!" and flew feet first into the sun. Unfortunately the sun was very far away and before Herobrine reached it he stalled and reached terminal velocity while falling to the ground.

Notch watched the horrible chain of events unfold as Herobrine created an explosion that killed a few villagers, spraying blood and gore into the sky and pleasing readers everywhere. He scratched his head, picked up the hot dog and ate it.

Herobrine jumped up. "I'm okay!" he yelled. He turned around and found villagers staring at him in awe. "Who're you people?" he asked, but forgot the apostrophe in "who're".

The people didn't do anything other than fall flat on their faces in unanimous worship. "You fell from the great Heavens of Notch, therefore you are a god! Save us from the great plague that plagues us!"

Herobrine shrugged. "Okay." He hiked to the local volcano and threw a golden ring into it. As soon as the ring hit the lava, the land around the volcano and the village turned green and fertile. All the villagers cheered.

Herobrine smiled and skipped down the side of the volcano. While he was going he tripped and fell, landing on top of a small child. The child died instantly.

Everyone gasped in unison. "YOU KILLED AN INNOCENT CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT."

"I dunno, man." Herobrine got up and walked away. The villagers behind him booed and threw things at him, like charcoal briquettes, tenor saxophones, gall bladders and soda cans.

Herobrine decided to hide inside of a dark cave that looked very suspicious and evil lair-like. Inside, he also decided to make a big, badass dragon to scare people so that they wouldn't throw things at him. He named it the Enderdragon after Ender from Ender's Game, who was named after Andrew, who was named after someone else named Andrew, who has nothing to do with this story.

Notch was knitting a sweater that looked suspiciously like a noose in his own domain, called the Aether. It was called the Aether because Aether is the phrase "a ether" put together, except "a ether" is grammatically and politically incorrect. Notch didn't care because he was Notch, and besides, his own name was pretty ridiculous too.

Suddenly without warning, Herobrine burst in, bashing the Aether's heavenly gates. "Notch can I ask you a favor?" he asked.

Notch did not look up. "Sure."

"I need help making a big dragon to scare people. I wanna make it like a boss in a video game, and it'll destroy things just by touching it and when it dies it'll explode in a burst of fiery light and turn into a tiny little egg for no reason it'll be awesome."

Notch snapped his fingers. Immediately the Enderdragon materialized before the two of them. "Yay!" The dragon roared, spitting plumes of dark purple flame. It flew up majestically, then crashed through the floor of the Aether and promptly began to cause destruction on the Overworld. "Oh."

Notch picked up his knitting again. "Maybe we should go stop that."

"Yeah, maybe." Herobrine sat down, took out a deck of cards from inside his mouth and started playing bridge by himself.

Meanwhile on the Overworld, a guy named Steve was walking through a village whistling a popular tune which was also copyrighted, so some men in black suits tackled him, yelled "Grab grab grab!" and stole his money. Steve got back up and walked in the general direction of the plot. He saw a giant black dragon eating the ground while little villagers ran around it, screaming irrelevant phrases.

Steve ran over to the dragon. "Dude stahp!" he yelled. "Why are you doing this?"

The dragon scratched its chin. "I dunno, man."

"If thou hath not stop by the next dawn, I shalt slay thou foul wyrm!" Steve said.

As a response, the dragon ate Steve.

However, the great hand of the author reached into the dragon's throat and pulled out Steve. "It would be detrimental to the plot," she explained.

The readers complained about the lack of romance and/or action, so the author also added some last minute female character who served no other purpose than as the main character's love interest. Unfortunately Steve wasn't very intuitive and ignored this unnamed female character completely.

To satisfy the need for action and gore, several other people arrived wielding swords and bows and arrows. "We've come to kill the Enderdragon!" they announced. "Steve, come and join us!"

Steve sat down. "I can't travel and have adventures because, um, I'm sick."

One of the warriors who had a white beard and a pointy hat looked down at him. "Boo, you who're," he said, accidentally adding an apostrophe in the last word.

This angered Steve greatly. Having possessed previously unknown sword-fighting skills, Steve picked up a magical and enchanted sword. The warriors jumped on their eagle steeds and flew up to kill the dragon.

The dragon reached out and clawed several eagles with their riders out of the sky. Blood rained from the sky. Down on the ground, everyone cheered, and the popcorn stock prices skyrocketed.

Steve jumped from his eagle, and it exploded behind him in an epic burst of feathers and fire. He executed a perfect double barrel roll sideways backflip and landed face-first on the Enderdragon's back. The Enderdragon laughed at his failure.

Steve stumbled to the site of the Enderdragon's medulla oblongata, while the dragon made no attempt to shake him off. He plunged the sword downwards into a nick in the Enderdragon's scales.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo," howled the dragon, and little particles began flying off of it. Down on the ground, one of the warriors picked up his bow and arrow and shot the bow (not the arrow) into a hole in the dragon's scales.

The dragon whispered something ambiguously dramatic as it exploded behind Steve in an epic burst of purple fire. Steve landed on the ground and made a large crater. "I'm okay!" he yelled.

"Yay!" All of the villagers cheered at the death of the dragon, who had bothered them for about 4 minutes straight. There was also an egg, but the villagers ate it as a celebratory lunch.

"Not so fast!" Everyone stopped cheering and looked towards the source of the voice. They all gasped, for it was none other than Hector himself!

No one knew who Hector was, so they threw him into the garbage can. Everyone cheered.

"Not so fast!" Everyone stopped cheering and looked towards the source of the voice. They all gasped, for it was none other than Herobrine himself!

"Why did you kill my dragon?" Herobrine looked like he was about to cry. "I worked hard on it!"

"No you didn't," called a voice from the way back. "All you did was play Egyptian Rat Slap with Notch for a couple of minutes."

"Screw you!" wailed Herobrine. "I'm going to kill everyone here!"

So he did.

The stupid end.

**Half-assed this one, mostly. Hope you enjoyed, or laughed at its stupidity.**


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